7 reasons cheaters don’t confess until they get caught
These are the reasons why unfaithful men and women hide the truth from their partners.
- Infidelity is an extremely painful issue that affects many couples. The temptation to seek out another man or woman is, unfortunately, common. Most of the time, the side fling lasts a short time, but some affairs last for months or even years.
No matter how long the side relationships last, they all have one thing in common: a victim and sometimes irreparable damage to their relationship.
Some people want to make things right again and confess so their partner will forgive them, but others try to forget it ever happened in hopes their partner will never discover the truth.
Nobody enjoys being lied to, but for those who have been victims of infidelity, here are seven reasons why your partner might have covered up the awful truth:
1. “I don’t want to hurt my partner just to remove my guilt”
This is an excuse to avoid the bitter reality of what might happen after confessing. Guilt doesn’t disappear after coming clean. Sometimes it becomes even more evident when you see the pain in your partner’s eyes.
2. “What the eyes don’t see, the heart doesn’t feel”
An unfaithful man or woman might ask why they should confess if they already broke things off with their side lover. They believe what their spouse doesn’t know won’t hurt them. However, lies become bigger as time goes on, and you have to constantly cover up old lies with new ones. It’s best to get the truth out sooner rather than later.
3. “If I confess, my partner will leave me and I will lose my family”
Victims of infidelity probably think something like this: “You should have thought about your family before you betrayed me.”
“But don’t keep your affair a secret just to save the relationship – that isn’t fair to your partner, Dr. Mark White advises, “and only serves to preserve a relationship with cracks that will inevitably spread.”
If you really want to save your relationship, you have to confess anyway. Even if you’re afraid of what might happen.
4. “My spouse can’t bear to know the truth”
People have the tendency to “project,” which means if they are sad, they see only sadness. If they are happy, they are better at focusing on the good things around them. The phrase, “My spouse can’t bear to know the truth” is a perfect example of projection. So, ultimately, They’re afraid of the truth, and believe their spouse is too.
5. “I think we can start over without my partner knowing what happened”
Believing this is possible is like believing you can build a house without a foundation. It will last for a little while, but when storms arise, the house will be demolished. Destruction is inevitable when you start keeping secrets from your spouse.
6. “I regret it and promise myself I won’t do it again”
You should do both of those things, but you have to confess to truly make things right again. Everyone who confesses must pay off their debt. You can’t simply promise yourself you won’t do it again. You must express these two things to your spouse, not just to yourself.
7. “I’m too afraid”
This is possibly the biggest reason cheaters hide the truth. If you ever broke something of your parents’, you can probably recall the feeling of your stomach twisting into one giant knot of guilt. Ideas of how to fix it, replace it, hide it or blame someone else also might have crossed your mind, but only one choice was correct: the choice to confess.
Without defending the unfaithful, my advice to them is to use wisdom, balance and the strong love they feel for their partner to share the truth. With help, and as long as they’re sincerely willing to change, they can repair their marriage and work together with their spouse to overcome the pain of the past.
This article is adapted and translated from the original, “Las 7 razones por las que los infieles NO confiesan a menos que los descubras.” It was originally published on familias.com.